The Road Less Travelled

Last month I published my 4th book of poetry titled "Catching Butterflies". I can still remember a time when publishing a book of any kind was not even on the radar. After all, I was just another dumb, divorced construction worker who was learning to live again after family law defrauded me of a life's worth of earned dignity among other things. I was not looking for a new career nor looking for a second income. In fact, I wish I was wealthy enough to give all the books away to as many people who would want one. There are some things that should always be free to people who need it and who am I to think that anyone would want to spend their hard-earned money on anything I have to say. 4 books later and I still feel the same way. I like to write but I hate the process and money issues of publishing. But I felt a special connection to this latest book that I had not felt since my first attempt at putting my musings about life to print in the book, "Stuff That Matters".

With this latest book, I tried very hard to look at the upside of life and what beauty this world contains when we are ready to look for it. Yes, there were a few sad and depressing poems but nothing like in the past. And even the with the sad/depressing poems, I felt as if I wrote from a perspective that things happen in life and it is never the end of hope nor dreams. These poems seem to give me the sense of closure for whatever I cannot and could not change. I found it comforting. And the rest of the book was written while in my happy place. I felt very satisfied that this time around I was able to write about many topics and always keeping a balance. The love poems were not over the top and the sad poems were not too sad. I felt as if I had narrowed the lines of extremities and brought them closer together.

Also, there were a few friends who had a hand in making this book a reality. A new friend, Doug Bisson provided the cover. Doug is an amazing photographer and captured exactly the image I was hoping for. And an old high school friend, Gina Robertson, asked her daughter if she was interested in being on the cover. Her daughter agreed. Her daughter is 13 year old Kailey Mae Robertson who has already published 2 children's books. It is always a great experience to share with friends and even better when your friends share their talents to make the hope of a book become a reality. Of course I am my worst critic and already have ranted over all the things I could have and should did better with the book. But at the end of the day, I am happy and proud of what I am willing to share with anyone and everyone.

But with the finishing of every book I soon feel useless, restless and bored. If I didn't have a full time job I swear I would go insane. So I turned my attentions to other projects previously started and immersed myself back into another reality where words are meaningful and almost come close to describing emotions. I came across a file for a book that I had almost completed by the time "Catching Butterflies" had been published. Immediately I came to the conclusion that this new file could not be the basis for a book of poetry. The poems were dark and depressing. And they were all dark and depressing! I fast forwarded in my mind to this book being published and the reaction of my friends to such a sad book that left no hope for change or redemption. they would automatically be worried about my state of mind and wanting to check in on me. I would have to reassure them that all was good..or at least okay. It is not something I look forward to. Yet there was something about this file of poems that seemed to lure me back even when I was confidently stubborn that this file would not become a book. I finally surrendered. With a cheap glass of wine in hand (remember I am a divorced man living in Ontario), I immersed myself back into this black hole of emotions and began the process of preparing a file of poems for publication.

I was surprised how easy it was. I was unnerved at how easily I slipped into character while exploring the most extreme of emotions surrounding death. There is literal death and then there is feeling dead while still seeing your breathe. This impending book explores both. It was a journey I was glad I took. It was a journey that I am happy is over with. At times I felt emotionally spent. Drawing from my own experiences, the stories told from others, I found myself wondering if I had made any progress in bridging that gap between words and emotions. I felt at times that I had almost completely crossed that bridge but then again, I wondered if I had made any progress at all. Perhaps there are some things that we are never meant to know. And perhaps that is what drives us to question life and our role in it. I have found few answers along this latest journey but always feeling and believing that is was a quest I was meant to be on. Only time will tell.....