Letter From Baboo To His Brother In The African Republic Of Goonigoogo

Dear Brother:

I hope this letter finds you well. I must apologize for not corresponding sooner but my adventures here in Sarnia continue to task me as I endeavour to learn their customs and rituals. They are a strange people indeed and yet, I find that I am beginning to understand their ways and at times, find that they are growing on me.

I must make a few corrections as to my previous letter to you about what I know recognize to be my error as to their ways of expression. When last writing to you, I told of men living in small dog houses that were normally reserved for house hold pets. Apparently, these men do not reside in dog houses at all. In fact, this reference to any dog house actually means that men will sleep on the couch or in the garage where they store their vehicles. This is usually after they have displayed behaviour or conduct that displeases their wife. The sleeping arrangement can last anywhere from one to five days depending on their financial income, and as well, to the amount of flowers they are able to purchase. Apparently, flowers are a form of apology here. But instead of picking the natural flowers growing in the fields, these men go to specific stores to purchase flowers that have already been picked from fields by other people. It is quite perplexing as I have found that these men are usually in trouble because they present as too lazy to do everyday tasks around the home or spend too much money at the local drinking establishment. Yet they seem to be able to get get forgiveness from the wife by being too lazy to pick their own flowers and spending even more money on the purchasing of these flowers. In spite of this nonsensical approach to forgiveness, it usually results in the man being allowed back in the bedroom.

I also remember writing you about road repairs on East Street near my apartment. In your reply you raised some very interesting question of which I have yet to secure all of the answers for. Yes, East Street is in the south end of Sarnia and runs north and south. I thought perhaps that there would be a reference to this in old writings about Sarnia but I have not been able to find any. And no, East Street is not in the eastern half of the city. It is in the western half. In the picture I sent you there are 7 road workers dressed in orange clothing. I am told that this is to ensure that those driving by in vehicles will be able to see the workers clearly and not run them over. Yes, I know the road is closed to vehicles and impassable but apparently, these are the rules. The reason why the road has to be redone every year is because these road workers are apparently so well like by all in the neighbourhood that they wish to see these workers everyday. And repairing roads here is far more complex that you can imagine and there are very few who have the expertise. That is why only one person in the picture is working. The other six are watching so they too can learn how to repair roads. I hope this helps clear up some of your confusion. I did pass on your suggestion to the Mayor that Sarnia be renamed Sarnhole, due to all of the potholes that are present on many of the streets. Within two weeks I received acknowledgement from the Mayor informing me that he had received my letter and that he would discuss the matter with his city councillors as soon as he returned from a Bruce Springsteen concert. I will update you in my next letter as to their final decision.

I hope that little Akeem likes the presents I sent him with this correspondences. The black and white circular ball covered with squares is called a Soccer Ball. You kick it with your feet. The brown, oval shaped object is called a Football. You toss it with your hands. I know that sounds confusing but keep in mind that these people drive on the right side of the road. I hope you like the pins, flags, and coffee mugs which bear the Canadian flag and as well, the pictures of scenic places in and around Sarnia that I sent. These items are all made in China. The people here are so generous that they give away work to other countries as a gesture of good will.

Even though these Sarnians seem relaxed and easy going, I have noticed at times, a splash of pride and competitiveness about them. When any of their local sports teams win any competition, they pump their fists, shout as loud as they can and point their index finger up in the air to symbolize that they are number one. Yet it seems to be more common from those not involved in the competition. I have noticed that they also do this when driving their vehicles. Whenever I am driving my e-bike about town, many of them seem threatened by my excellent driving skills as they pump their fists, yell and point a finger in the air in my direction. However, when it comes to driving skills, it is not their index finger they point in the air to symbolize being number one. Instead they point their middle finger at me. I have yet to comprehend the difference in these two symbols but will endeavour to find out. And I have become quite taken with the terms "Soccer Mom" and "Hockey Mom". I'm not sure what it means exactly but I do know it has something to do with driving a multi-passenger vehicle commonly referred to as a "Mini Van". Perhaps I will have more answers with my next correspondence.

I almost forgot to tell that I closed down the knife sharpening business. I only had one customer who wanted a Lawn Mower blade sharpened. A Lawn Mower is a motorized means of cutting wild grass. Yes I know, you are wondering if they have goats and other wildlife that eats the wild grass. Yes they do. But they seem intent on eating these animals instead of letting them graze on wild greens that over grow. Oddly enough, they water and fertilize this wild grass to make it grow only to have to cut it every week. They seem to receive enjoyment over this exercise. These Sarnians spend much time and resources to make their yards beautiful and then build fences around the property so know one can see it. I have been thinking about raising goats to rent out as "Lawn Mowers" since many people pay others to cut their wild grass after watering it to make it grow.. I sincerely believe that there is a market for this type of service

Brother, I hope this letter finds you well and in good spirits. Than you for sending the one million Rubles. After much confusion at one of their monetary establishment, I was able to transfer it to Canadian funds which totalled $4,397,00. After paying my monthly rent, I bought a "Smart Phone", which I haven't been able to understand yet. I bought a television made out of plasma which only shows me the same shows over and over again. I bought a credit card from Tim Horton's ( it's a coffee and food place of business) and it only cost me $2,000.00, and I get to meet and talk with law enforcement officers whenever I go there. With the rest of the money I invested in a company that sells property on the moon. I really do believe that I am on to something with this latest venture. Please tell mother that I am doing well and that I miss her. I will write you again as soon as I find out if the Possum has seen his shadow.

Your Brother,

Baboo