With my worn out remote in my hand I found myself once again, involved in the futile exercise of finding a point of interest on what I have long since been referring to as the "Idiot Box". In this age of information which has also given us an infinite number of television options, I am consistently unable to find anything enticing. I am beginning to come to the conclusion that the Age of Information is more useless information than anything informative or entertaining.
I passed by the scripted reality shows. I have more than enough drama in the real world and I am thankful that there are no cameras at a predetermined spot and time to capture it from every angle. I passed on watching foolish people do what foolish people do when gifted the opportunity of fifteen seconds of fame hoping to make it last for fifteen minutes. I stopped briefly to listen to a spiritual Guru but then given that I was divorced, I quickly realized that I had insufficient funds to purchase my seat on that train leaving for perpetual enlightenment and salvation. Perusing past the endless infomercials on diet and exercise equipment endorsed by every "Has Been" of something or other, I suddenly felt hungry and that chocolate bar seemed just a bit more satisfying than usual. I listened in on the parliamentary channel but who wants to endure watching a communal of untalented actors defending their actions to an endless exhibit of spoiled children having temper tantrums when not getting their own way? I think they call it a form of diplomatic debating. I always enjoy the sports channels as I can watch the highlights of every game ever played in every sport in just twenty minutes or less. Of course the next day at work, I can then present as a wealth of information as every manly gathering involves talking sports. I was delighted to find a channel showing reruns of the I Love Lucy show but then my delight turned to disappointment when realizing it was a pay channel. I just could not justify parting with what few extra dollars I have every month to watch a television show that as a kid, I used to watch for free. Past the same old comedy skits, the Tattoo makers, the junk collectors, the conspiracy theorists, the pawn brokers, the criminals and League of Superheroes who catch them, the monsters, the vampires, the survivors, the big brothers, the bachelors, the doctors, the lawyers, the ambulance drivers, the hoarders, the apprentices, the wedding dresses, the swapping of families, the renovators, the prisoners, and and and...."YAWN"...I began to have amicable thoughts of cleaning the bathroom.
Just when I thought that all hope was forever lost, I came across a channel that had numbers and letters and images flashing across the screen at the speed of light. In big bold letters I read the words, "BREAKING NEWS". My first thought was that they were announcing the end of the world. After-all, it is the year 2012. And here I was alone and without that convenient lover to help usher in the physical destruction of civilization. But then I read three more capitol letters on the screen that did not move or disappear.....CNN. I thought that perhaps it was time to rekindle an old friendship almost forgetting why we parted ways years ago. It did not take long for me remember why I stopped using mainstream news as a medium to keep me informed as to world affairs.
This BREAKING NEWS they were referring to was a situation in Syria. I was almost positive that somewhere, at some time in the past, I heard something or other, about civil unrest and violence taking place in that country. Or perhaps that was Egypt. Maybe I was thinking about Yemen. Oh wait, was that Libya? No, it must have been Iran. It could have been Korea. Then again, there are riots in Greece. And isn't there a terrorist group in some country called, Somethingstan, Pakistan, Afghanistan, Turzakistan, Aramistan, I'mtoodrunktostand? Or maybe I am confusing all of this with the brutality and atrocities that took place during the G20 Summit in Canada and perpetrated by the Canadian government and those people who have been bestowed the highest honour to SERVE and PROTECT the people. Forgive me as I am just a Dumb Ass construction worker who obviously gets confused very easily. Thankfully, the good folks at CNN were able to provide me with clarity and I was now intent on educating myself as to the real issues and events in Syria. With my on line dictionary and thesaurus handy, I mandated the next few hours to learning everything that could be learned about the Syrian situation.
First up was a Professor of something or other employed at a University that I must admit, I had never heard of. He spoke so articulately that I was immediately thankful for the resources which allowed me to look up all those words that had more than two syllables. At the end of his ramblings, this partial owner of Academia had convinced me that the Syrian Regime was bad and that the Syrian people were being abused. I was thankful he cleared that grey area up for me. Then I listened to the Chief Correspondent in Washington talk about how the United States Government (or is that a regime?) call the Syrian regime bad. Then through a satelite image, I listened to a Chief Correspondent of something "On the ground in Syria" tell me about the Syrian regine being bad. Then came a news clip from someone claiming to represent the rights of the Syrian people and calling the current regime as bad. Then came the news clips and snippets of world leaders in all of these so called, "Democratic Countries", use a wide variety of adjectives to describe the Syrian regime as bad. After five minutes I understood the entire complexities of the situation. The Syrian Government is bad.
So why don't we, who are the moral and just conscience of the world, not just bomb them into oblivion? We have done it before. In Iraq twice, Afghanistan, repeatedly. Somalia, until everyone lost interest. Lebanon, for a time. Lybia, so they would learn their lesson and did they? Grenada and I don't know where Grenada is. Korea and that was a huge success. Veitnam and Hollywood made lots O money. Yugoslavia and did I spell that right? Or should I call it Serbia? Did we support the Serbs, or the Croats or Muslims? I watched the movie and all I understood from that was that the United States Military is filled with nothing but honourable people. And is it okay if I spell "honourable" the Canadian way or has that now become an offence punishable by the grammar police? It is 7pm and Two And A Half Men is on but I will resist that temptation and continue with my free education, compliments of CNN.
Suddenly, there is a commercial or two. Then CNN comes back with news of the Republican Leadership race. Did they not just have an election? Did not some articulate speaking black man ( is it still okay to refer to a man as black?), win that election? I heard a rumour he was born in Kansas. Or was that Tibet? Maybe it was Palestine. Didn't somebody say he was born from a prostitute and carpenter? No, I think that was Jesus. Or maybe that was Jim Baker. In my effort to become more educated as to the world we live in, I suddenly realized that I forgot to go to the beer store after work today. Rats! The phone rings. It is my best friend Greg. He is a Fire Fighter. I worry about him. He worries about me. I think that is a good basis for our friendship. He is in town and wants to go out for a few cold sociables. Around here we call that Cold Beer..lol.
I want to change the world. The world wants to change me. But this epiphany will have to be put on hold for a few hours. One would think that governments would want to provide free alcohol and beer to it's citizens. If not, then people might spend their time educating themselves. And we wouldn't want that....
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